When women help to hurt other women

“Have some compassion,” one of them said.

“How can you be like this to a such a young girl? She’s clearly been affected by the experience,” said another male teacher*.

The woman teacher was not hearing it. She was of the impression that she is familiar with “girls like this.” They can lie.

So, Wednesday afternoon, I witnessed this bizarre exchange while visiting a very prestigious all boys school in Freetown. I say bizarre because for some reason, despite all that I have seen and heard from women, still always surprised when women don’t step up to protect women and girls. Women who should have supported and protected a young girl, tore her apart and I observed men stepping up to do the right thing.

A young lady had come to the school’s principal office disheveled and bawling her eyes out. She explained that she was harassed by three boys in school uniform from this school. So again, this school is well known, and their uniform known. She said the boys were telling her to partake in sexual activity, but honestly, I couldn’t even get the full story because I was a distant away waiting to speak with students, but also mostly because this female teacher began shouting at the girl before she could even finish her full explanation.

I guess there was some inconsistency in the girl’s story because she didn’t know if they were junior or senior boys. While the woman saw this an opportunity to jump down the throat of the young girl, e the male teachers were trying to help her by asking about short trousers or long trousers because the girl’s impression of junior and senior were based on size and didn’t understand the question being asked. The girl was saying she was sure it was a senior boy and when they said, it could be a junior boy she was saying “no oh, it was a senior boy.” One of the male teachers was saying “bo e nor sabi, how e go know?” ]She doesn’t know, how could she know?” in response to the female teacher who was now also commenting about why the girl was taking a “corner” road if she is selling market. This was after they’d ask her whereabouts this incident happened. The female said that someone doing honest selling should not be taking “conah conah” [sort of implying, streets that don’t get a lot of foot traffic, like alleys in a sense]. So yes the girl sells oranges and was selling when this happened. I was getting some bits of the story.

As two male teachers took the girl aside and had her sit down and explain what happened, the female teacher and another female teacher proceeded to share their experiences. How they know girls like these girls who would set up a time with their lovers and things go south and then want to cry victim. I tried to tune them out because I was there on official business and I was REALLY getting upset and knew if I stepped in it would not be a civil conversation.

Luckily the men around were having none of it. The other male teacher who was not attending to the girl was shaking his head and scowling and sucked his teeth.

“You that is talking like this, if this happened to you, you’d want our compassion and for people to believe you.” He further disagreed with her counter point that the young girl could run, or shout and if it was her, that would be what she’d do. He told her to look at some of the young men at the school. If 3 of them surrounded her she could do nothing. At this point I think he had enough too and twisted his face more and turned away from them. They continued with their very distasteful comments.

The other two male teachers had gotten the story from the young lady and they told her to follow them to identify the students. That was the last I saw of her until I was about to leave and I saw her, one of the male teachers and one of the boys who was identified.

This incident has been in my head ALL day. I felt compel to just share because I believe that we are at the feet of many of our women, especially those in our families who have excused so much abuse. Many women who we know continue to not believe us. I know for a fact that if I had said ANYTHING during the time my abuser was sexual abusing me, people would say similar things about me. I was a “wild” child. I got into all types of trouble when I was in primary school. As someone who has learnt more about young people now I realize that I was not as bad as people liked to paint me; in school for example I was not engaged because I was not challenged, I effortlessly made good grades so spent a lot of the time bothering my classmates and getting into fights.

Anyway, women. Women. Many of the things we suffer today, the patriarchy we endure, some is due to us who have bought into the system and uphold those systems. Women like these teachers who instead of supporting a young sister, made up their minds that she was fast and was not worth believing. Shameful. Do better!

*Note: I am guessing these were all teachers by the way because they were all seating outside of the principal’s office and seemed to know the students well. Some COULD be administrative staff, but I say teacher because it is easier to say.