Maybe I have my sh*t a little together – Mental Health post Pt. 2

The second time I went to see someone regularly, was my first semester at Harvard in 2017. I think I spoke about this before, but I had enrolled in a childhood trauma class because I was working on SUDU and I felt that I needed to take something like that to really learn some of the language to be able to do the work well. After the first class I knew that it was going to be triggering. I was at the health center every two weeks after that talking to this amazing, BLACK woman and she just got what I needed. She knew when to push, she knew when to just shower me with praise (hey I am a Leo, I like praise if it is genuine). I also discovered one thing I was getting a handle of when it came to my mental health: I was learning when things were going to be triggering and reaching out for help! This is very important. You have to learn to spot these things and deal with them IMMEDIATELY. I can’t help too much with this because how I know I am triggered may be different for you. I knew it was because my body was tense, I felt like I was going to cry the entire time during the first class. Before, when I was triggered, I was a Biioootcc (you get the idea). I would lash out at family, whoever I was dating at that time and just close down. A few of my boyfriends have said I was a terrible communicator because I just didn’t speak sometimes because I didn’t know how to articulate what I was going through.

Now I don’t shy away from sending my friends a Whatsapp saying “I am going to burst out into tears, please call me” or something to that effect. My friends know I am not the dramatic kind so there are usually like two main people who will get this message and will snap into action right away. In Sierra Leone, that’s all I got. Those friends. I have felt like I have been unloading too much this past year so I do want to tell them THANK YOU and will do better to ask if they are ok with the unloading before I go.

Here comes my plea to the diaspora. PLEASE if you studied mental health, you are a psychiatrist, psychologist or whatever, COME BACK home. WE NEED YOU. I know it is hard to find a job, but I am sure you guys would be able to make a profit. Trust there are many of us here that could use your service. What about a brilliant tech person creating our own Talk Space? Where we can have phone conversations with trained professionals here in West Africa or wherever? Look I am not opposed to you all making profit off this mehn because it is not an easy job. Ok let me continue with what I was saying….

Although mental health is still not spoken about well enough in our communities, I do find that here in Sierra Leone that there might be something opening up. I do see a movement around healthy eating, discussions of mental disabilities, etc. that were not even happening just a few years ago. Obviously, this is with a different class of people, but we have to start somewhere right? I think the market is here and we are in desperate need.

One last anecdote. A few months ago, I had a bit of a breakdown (confession), broke up with my boyfriend for a few hours, cried on and off for like 24 hours, my friend actually sent me someone’s number to talk to-a mental health professional (I never did, I went to the contact several times over the past few months, but never dialed). What brought me down from my frantic state? An understanding from my mom. I actually didn’t tell her all that was going on with me, but for the first time when she asked how I was doing, I didn’t just say “fine.” I told her that I was not ok. The little I did tell her, I was expecting all sorts of critical comments (you know African parents), but she just asked what she could do to help. She asked what in the U.S. was worrying me that she could handle and told me to focus on myself. It was so strange because I didn’t like to be vulnerable to my parents especially when I am in Africa because well it becomes a whole “I told you so, just come back to America” thing. This time it was different. She talked about the good work I was doing and how she is willing to support me. When I told her about a drastic action, I felt like I needed to take, she told me to do what I needed to do and not think about anyone else. I was like “oh wow, things have changed.” It made me come back down and re-focus. I decided to stop working 7 days a week. I decided that whatever happens, I must use my weekends as weekends and do absolutely nothing.

I’ve kept this up actually. As much as it pains me sometimes, like when someone would ask me for a meeting or even when things are tight during the week with SUDU and I am tempted to hold several meetings on Saturdays AND Sundays, I have to say: “This can wait till next week.” I’ve also learnt to not overwork myself. Standing firm in saying “no full-time job for me right now” and this “is what full-time will cost.” Yes o! If I have to sacrifice my time, flexibility and the likes, you have to pay because I don’t want to be financially stressed AND working like a dog.

All of this has helped me to keep some of my shit together. Did you follow all of my ramblings? If you didn’t, here is a summary: (1) We need some more mental health services on the continent (2) Take your time off. Enjoy your weekends. Enjoy your holidays and days off. (3) help! Ask for help. It won’t kill you. There are people out there willing to listen and if they can’t, they will refer you to the right people, don’t feel upset if they do. It is a lot to absorb (4) Learn to walk away from stressful situations and learn to say no to things you know are not in your best interest.

Last of all: Again, please come home my diasporans in this field! We need you.

Love,

A Voice of the Salone Diaspora