Sexual violence is not just physical violence

Trigger warning: rape, sexual abuse, graphic descriptions of sexual encounters.

From November 25, 16 days of activism officially kicked off , an international campaign to end violence against women. On this last day, I just want to talk about one issue: sexual abuse. It is something that I have blogged about many times, but I just want to quickly say, what I am sure others have said before: to be raped and sexually abused does not always mean it is in this violent way that some imagine. When some people think about rape, they think about a girl being violently attacked and surrounded by a gang and jumped upon in some dark corner or road somewhere or something along the same lines. I think people want to think of it this way because to face the reality of how most of how it manifests is severely uncomfortable for most of us.

A lot of us have excused ourselves from facing how deeply rooted this issue is. We want to bury our heads in the sand because to face the reality will be too much. To face the fact that the majority of sexual abuse happens with people we are familiar with is not what we want to accept. Women and girls are molested and sexually abused by their fathers, uncles, brothers and even…yes other women. We don’t want to face the uncomfortable feeling you have thinking about when you were with that one guy and you were saying “no” and he pressured you and in fact, maybe you are dating him now or even…married to him. What does this say about him? We don’t want to think about that our “big sister” who through practicing on our bodies they showed us “man business.” We don’t want to face that fact that our boss and many men are so used to possessing the woman’s body that they feel they can touch with no permission; the uncomfortable squeeze to your shoulder, the slight touch to your lower back, drawing you close and caressing you uncomfortably for an office photo.

There is a lot we don’t want to face. A lot of the time we feel it deep down in our gut. Sometimes not even that deep down. It is screaming right at the top. We are uncomfortable, but society has taught us to smile, bear the pain and continuously second guess ourselves about the way we feel. Please stop doing that. That tiny, creepy feeling that you have is built to protect you from harm. Listen to it. Plan for it. Act on it.

The 16 Days of Activism may end today, but as I have said many times before: this is not something that should be spoken about once in awhile or as a trending topic of the day. This issue is 365 days. 24 hours. 7 days a week. Keep speaking on it. Keep acting on it. Keep being activists.

Love,
(A) Voice of the Salone Diaspora